


how much to give and how much to take

by favbbycas



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: (eventually) - Freeform, Anal Sex, Enthusiastic Consent, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Post canon, Rape Recovery, Trust, andrew gets sick, hand holding, hospital visits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-08-29 14:52:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8494162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/favbbycas/pseuds/favbbycas
Summary: “Neil” The urgency in Andrew's voice doesn't go unnoticed“You okay?”“Yes, idiot"              orAndrew exploring new things with Neil because he trusts him enough and feels truly safe enough to do so





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> these goddamn foxes are v inspiring so here goes nothing, hope you like it.  
> also the rape warning tag is for mentions of Andrew's past abuse and possible future flashbacks, but nothing more graphic than cannon. if anyone has any questions please ask, and stay safe.

Andrew has seen Neil writhing beneath him enough times to wonder what it feels like when you want it, Neil obviously enjoys it. Neils at practice and Andrews back at their apartment early after his session with Bee. Andrew decides now is a good time to think about bottoming with Neil. He tries to relax and imagine, he feels the phantom pressure of hands holding him down and he tenses, all of the sudden he can't breathe, he sees Drake leaning over him and it's all too much and he's scrambling to stay grounded. His whole body is trembling and his muscles feel locked in place. He shoves his back against the wall next to his bed and breathes, and tells himself to calm the fuck down. Once he can breathe are evenly again he goes to their balcony with a pack of cigarettes and doesn't think about it again for months. 

 

Andrew thinks about it again, and his body tenses but his mind stays calm, he’s safe here in his and Neils bed and he realizes he more curious than afraid.

 

They’ve been ‘together’ for about three years now, and it's a warm summer night and things are getting hot and heavy between them and Neils leaning over Andrew, whose resting against their headboard and pillows. Its rare that he's the one doing the leaning over, but Andrews gotten more comfortable with it over the course of their relationship. Their lips don't leave each others except for when they shed most of their clothes. Neils completely naked, and the only thing Andrew has on are his boxers. Andrew has one hand cupping the sharp line of Neils jaw and the other in his hair, occasionally pulling at the curly (and sweaty) locks while their hips press together. The sweet pressure sends fire up his spine and the noises Neil makes fan it. “Boxers off, yes or no?” Neil asks between kisses, and Andrew says “yes.” They pull apart so Neil can move down Andrew's body and grip the elastic band of the black boxers and pull them down and off, Andrew helps him and now that they're both naked. Neil pulls himself away from Andrew, intending to switch positions with him. Andrew rests a hand on Neils wrist and says “stay.” Neil studies his face for a moment and says “okay.” 

 

They go back to making out for a few minutes, cocks grinding together more intensely now, and Andrew moves a hand to Neils chest, signalling him to pause and Neil pulls back immediately, Andrew sits up off the pillows and moves a few of them, so he's laying flatter against the bed. Neil puts space between them and asks “Andrew, what do you want?” and after a moment he says, “eat me out, yes or no?” Neil knows he must look a little shocked, this is territory they've only explored with Neil on the receiving end, after a few particularly good rounds of sex. Andrew’s seemingly blank face gazing up at Neil doesn't hide his small amount of anxiety, but Neils learned to trust Andrew to know his limits. In response, Neil grins and says “god, yes” his grin widens when Andrew mutters “junkie” right before they're kissing again. Neil decides that the slower the better, and kisses Andrew with more gentleness than he did before. Before long he's kissing Andrews neck, and his collar bone, and grinding his hips down at a pace so agonizingly slow it has them both wanting more. He listens to Andrew pant and moves his tongue over one of his nipples on his way down. Andrews breath hitches just a little, and Neil pauses to ask “can I jerk you off, yes or no?” Andrew replies with a raspy “yes.” Neil kisses down Andrew's chest as his right hand moves down over Andrews stomach and over his hip before taking ahold of his cock, where beads of precome have pooled at the head. Andrew’s hips jerk and his breath catches when Neil moves his hand slowly up and down his cock. Neil stopes his trail of kisses down Andrew's torso and meets his eyes, asking if this is alright, gaining consent once more and Andrew thinks good god Josten, fuck you and says, “yes.” Neil reaches up and grabs one of Andrew's hands with his own and squeezes, because despite Andrew's enthusiasm, he still needs reassurance. It’s in the next moment things go south. Neil presses his tongue to Andrews rim, and Andrew flinches. His body hasn’t forgotten what sensations mean danger. Neil pulls back immediately, and Andrews tense and he touches the scars on Neils forearm to ground himself, it takes a moment, but he manages to get his instincts under control. Neil calls his name while he stays kneeling between Andrews legs, not risking his touch making Andrews moment of panic worse.  
“Andrew, are you okay?” he asks quietly  
Andrew locks eyes with him and nods, “I'm fine”  
Neil refrains from rolling his eyes at Andrew’s mocking words and says “do you want to stop?”  
Andrew answers with a nod and a yes and they separate. Neil lets his hand go and gets off Andrew and starts to gather their clothes while Andrew sits up. Neil expects him to quickly get dressed and smoke on the balcony or tell Neil to go shower so he can have a moment alone, but instead he follows him to the bathroom and asks if they can shower together. Neil answers with a small smile and a yes. Later, they fall asleep side by side, face to face.

 

Andrew and Neil don't try anything similar for a few weeks, between their school schedules and games, they don’t have the time. They share a few rushed handjobs and more than a few makeout sessions, but it’s not until a month and a half later do they have the time and Andrew is in the mood to try something like that again. Initially, he thought having Neil eat him out would be easier than fingering him because it’s something he’s never done before, consensually or otherwise. He decides it would be better if he could see Neil’s (stupid) face. 

 

Their room isn’t very decorated, there's one black nightstand on the side of their bed, and the other side is pressed against the wall in the corner of the room. Andrew is laying under Neil, both are dressed in sweats and slowly grinding their hips together. It feels good but Andrew wants more. Neil must feel the same way because he asks “Sweats and boxers off, yes or no?” Andrew's breathy “yes” is the only incentive Neil needs, and after throwing their clothes somewhere off the bed their lips meet again and Andrews fingers run through Neil’s hair, and Neil has Andrew’s jaw cupped in his hands. Andrew takes one of Neil’s hands in his own and pushes it toward his cock and says, “jerk us off, yes or no?” Neil moans into a kiss before pulling away and saying “okay,” his hand goes first around Andrew, and taking himself into his grip too. Their combined precum makes the slide easier, and Neil smiles into their kiss when he feels Andrew buck into his hand, Andrew tells him to shut up.  
“Neil?”  
“Hm?”  
Instead of answering, Andrew takes Neil’s hand again and moves it to his ass, Neils fingers resting over his rim. Andrew tenses but he doesn't say no.  
Neil looks at the man below him, his face a mixture of mostly concern and a little curiosity, his left hand planted by Andrews head, supporting him as he leans over Andrew.  
“Yes or no, Andrew?”  
Andrew takes a deep breath and says, “yes”  
Neil moves his fingers a little, but Andrew stops him when he says “just rest them there”  
“Okay” Neil says, he pauses, letting Andrew have a moment to just feel that sensation before saying, “do you want me to jerk you off too?”  
Andrew considers him for a moment before he says, “yes, Neil”  
Neil’s fingers stay like Andrew asked, but his hand jerks him off until Andrews pants turn into moans, and he relaxes. Neil can tell Andrew’s close, and he’s so turned on he can hardly stand it, but getting Andrew off is so damn important, he could wait forever.  
“Neil” The urgency in Andrew's voice doesn't go unnoticed  
“You okay?”  
“Yes, idiot, come here, and stop touching my ass”  
“Okay” Neil moves his fingers away immediately, and surges up to kiss Andrew as he continues to jerk him off, his newly freed hand buries itself in Andrew’s blond hair and then Andrews moaning quietly and his hips jerk sharper than they have all night and he’s coming.  
Andrew kisses Neil softly and asks “yes or no?” And Neil’s responding “yes” has him snaking a hand between their bodies and jerking Neil off, and he comes fast. They lay together for a while, until Andrew asks Neil to sit up so he can get off the bed and into the shower. Neil lets him up and sits back on the bed, settling in to wait his turn in the shower, while Andrew walks away. Then Andrew turns his head to look at him from the bathroom door way and says, “get your ass in here, Josten”  
Neil smiles and joins him to the bathroom.


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew gets sick. Neil is there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> allusions to past abuse but nothing graphic

Touch was never something he found comforting. The only good associated with it Andrew has is Neil. Neil’s touch that he trusts with the most vulnerable plains and spots on his body, or that he’s learning to anyway. It’s getting better, but, he’ll never not recoil from another's (not Neil’s, mostly) touch.

 

And that causes him to hate today, Andrew is due for a physical. Growing up doctors visits were rare, and he avoided them at all costs anyway. It’s been years since his last physical, and today all the foxes are meant to see Abby. Andrew knows she’d never force him into anything, but since being in rehab his anxiety around being alone with any kind of doctor figure has increased. His appointment only lasts twenty minutes and Abby, knowing his history (at least some of it) never touched him without permission and never asks him to remove any clothing at all. He leaves with a clean bill of health and only a slight tremble in his hands that he hides well.

 

Weeks later, he feels sick. His stomach aches and there's a pain in his side and oh my god it won't _go away_. Not mention his skin is hot and sticky, yet he’s cold at the same time. Somewhere between a painful feverish haze and a stubborn act of defiance against his body's failure to keep him healthy, he doesn’t wake Neil and tries his best to go back to sleep.

 

He’s not exactly successful, a spike of pain so hot and twisting in his gut forces a weak sounding whine from his throat and that's the moment Neil wakes up. Curled up against the wall, Andrew watches him shift in the sheets and crack his eyes open, seeking in the dim morning light.

“Andrew?” he says

 

“What?”

 

“What’s wrong? Are you alright?

 

“I’m fine” he says

 

“Yea, right” Neil responds, rolling his eyes. He moves the comforter off his body and sits up, looking down at the side of Andrews face. He reaches a hand toward the edge of Andrew’s blanket and asks

“Yes or no?”

 

“Yes” Andrew replies, turning more on his back just a little

 

Neil moves the blanket away, and sees Andrew’s hands curled around his middle and finally notices the strands of blond hair plastered to his forehead. Neil meets Andrew’s eyes again and before he has time to say a word Andrew grimaces. Once that wave of pain reduces to a throb once again, Andrew says

“Hospital. Now.”

 

“Jesus, Andrew, what’s wrong?” he says, voice laced with concern, moving to get out of bed at Andrew’s words.

 

“I don’t know, but it’s not going away, and it hurts like hell” he says gritting his teeth

 

Neil knows that this is something serious, Andrew doesn’t usually admit to being in pain. He’s getting better, but this is an extreme Neils never seen from him.

 

“Where does it hurt?”

 

“My side”

 

“Which side? Your right?”

 

“Yea”

 

Neil finds his sweats on the bedroom floor and slides them on, leaving Andrew alone and still huddled against the wall in their bed.

 

“Shit, we should go” Neil says, pulling a sweatshirt on “I think you have appendicitis”

 

Andrew nods and suppresses a whimper threatening to spill from his lungs. He lets go of his middle and scoots toward the edge of the bed slowly, once he gets there Neil asks if he can touch his shoulders, so he can help him stand. It hurts like hell so he doesn’t bother with a coat, and allows Neil to slip on a pair of sandals Neil bought on one of their team vacations and drape a small blanket around his shoulders.

 

Once they’re in the car, Andrew gingerly sits in the passenger seat, glad to be off his feet as his gut continues to throb and twist and _ache_ with a growing ferocity that makes him tremble as the feverish heat radiates off his skin. Neil backs down the driveway and offers his hand, laying it on the middle of the center consul for Andrew to hold if he wants to. And he does.

 

They finally arrive and each painful step from the car to the emergency room doors is agonizing, but they made it, Neil’s hand gripping the small of Andrew’s back the whole way. They walk to the check in desk, and with Neil’s words “he has appendicitis” and a glance at the state Andrew is in, they’re taken to an exam room within moments. Once Andrew is seated on the exam table, the nurse who walked them into the room takes his temperature, and checks his blood pressure. He’s much too hot. His blood pressure isn't exactly normal, either. Neil stands next to him as he lays there, his hand a constant reassuring pressure on Andrew’s forearm.The nurse leaves, telling them a doctor will be in shortly.

 

“Thanks” Neil says as she walks out of the room

 

“Neil”

 

“This sucks”

 

 _yea, it really really does_ , Neil thinks. _how much is this going to hurt you? i know being touched by strangers is going to suck, fuck, its been years but , i-_

“Andr-”

 

There's a short knock on the door, then a man with grey hair and glasses and wrinkles walks in. Neil is grateful his isn’t a young doctor, at least there's that.

“Hello, I’m doctor Hill, and you must be Mr. Minyard” he says nodding toward Andrew, “and you are?” Andrew just tracks him as he washes his hands and walks closer to him.

 

“I’m Neil, his boyfriend” he says firmly

 

Doctor Hill nods in acknowledgement as he turns his attention to Andrew and says “Appendicitis, huh? It’s less common in adults but it happens, when did your symptoms start?

 

“Sometime last night” Andrew answers

 

“Hm, alright, I do need to do an examination before we can send you off to surgery” He says reaching for the hem of Andrew’s shirt. “Ok?”

Andrew flinches to hard for anyone to miss, and the doctor pauses as Neil takes Andrew’s hand in his own on the other side of the table and says to him in a quiet but dangerous tone, a threat to anyone who dares hurt him dead or not and a promise to not let that ever happen again,

“Andrew”

 

Andrew, after a tense moment, the silence from him loud somehow, nods.

 

Neil looks up and meets doctor Hill’s eyes, and nods, telling him to continue.

 

It only takes two of his gentle but firm presses into Andrew’s side to confirm that he does, indeed, have appendicitis. Andrew grits his teeth the entire time and hardly makes a sound.

Neil’s hand hurts where Andrew’s fingers curl with his own. Neil knows it’s less about the pain and more about the _fear_ , and it makes Neil’s chest ache.

  


Neil hates this so much. Andrew is in pain and he can’t do a thing about it, really. Doctor Hill tells them he’ll be back shortly with a team of doctors and drugs to put Andrew under in preparation for the surgery, and papers for him to sign as well. Now that he’s gone, he hears Andrew take a deep, (and shaky) breath, and squeeze his hand one more time.

 

“Andrew?”

 

“What?”

 

Neil says nothing. He lifts Andrew’s hand to his mouth and kisses it. There’s an understanding in their gaze, Andrew knows Neil is comforting him after everything, and Neil knows it helps.

 

Neil follows Andrew into the bathroom in the hospital room they’ve been assigned to help him change into his hospital gown that feels wrong on Andrew’s skin and makes him feel even more vulnerable. Neil’s there, giving him a shoulder to hold and balance on as he strips and to make him feel safe. Also as a clothing rack.

Andrew moves in an actual bed, and he almost throws up but manages to keep his nausea in check. Neil is still by his side. Still holding his hand, reminding him that _hes here_ , and _he wont let anyone too close._

Finally, after papers get signed by Andrew’s shaking hands, someone in scrubs comes over with a mask for his mouth and nose. Neil squeezes his hand and Andrew nods at the woman and counts backwards from ten until there’s nothing.

 

Neil waits. The surgery isn’t long, but it feels like forever. First he checks his phone, it’s almost six in the morning. Neil thinks about getting a coffee but decides not to, he’s wide awake without the caffeine. Second, He texts the foxes and lets them know he’ll be in the hospital until tomorrow morning, and makes sure they don't visit until Andrew rests and he gets a chance to ask him if he wants them to.

Neil waits.

 

Eventually, Andrew is rolled back into his room, blue blankets pulled over him and an IV being pushed along next to him. Doctor Hill tells Neil that the surgery went well, and he expects Andrew will be home by early the next morning.

The nurses leave Andrew and Neil alone after making sure Neil knows to contact them once Andrews awake.

Neil pulls a chair next to Andrew’s bed and takes a limp hand in both of his own.

 

A noise escapes Andrews lips, it’s somewhere between a whine and a moan and then all at once he’s wide awake and gasping and Neil lets his hand go for a moment and says,

“Andrew, hey, it’s ok, it’s Neil”

 

Andrew stares at him in confusion for a second then relaxes. His face is flushed and his hair is greasy but he’s not in pain anymore and that’s all that matters to Neil.

 

“How’re you feeling?”

 

“Mm been better” Andrew’s words are slurred because of the pain meds, but he’s still himself, at least, and Neil feels better about him being so drugged up.

 

“That’s true, the doctor says you can probably go home tomorrow morning”

“Mhm”

 

“‘I’m gonna let the nurses know you’re awake, ok?”

 

“okaay” Andrew says, sounding annoyed.

 

Neil smiles a little to himself as he presses the button next to Andrew’s bed

 

The nurses come in and take note of Andrew’s vitals and ask to check on his stitches. At that Andrew tenses, Neil taps his wrist to get his attention, and offers his hand, which Andrew takes quickly.

 

Neil tells the nurses to give them a second, and he helps Andrew adjust his hospital gown and blankets so as little skin around his bandaged wound is showing as possible. They’re quick and a nurse barely lifts the bandages before she steps away, apparently satisfied that his stitches are alright.

 

They’re alone again, and Andrew is exhausted.

 

“Neil” he says, eyes gazing up at Neil like he's the whole word

 

“Yes?”

 

“I hate you” he says, eyes closing

 

“I know, Andrew, I know” Neil says softly

  
  
Neil kisses the little scar left behind by Andrew’s surgery every chance he gets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> appendicitis is probably more complicated than that, but oh well. Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated, there will be more chapters to come, (some of those of the smutty variety) so stay tuned! find me on tumblr @ palmettogaystate

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. there will be more chapters, idk how many yet  
> 2\. the title is from the song "i found" by Amber Run, its v andreil  
> 3\. dont be afraid to comment! also my tumblr is palmettogaystate if any of yall where wondering


End file.
